After a very long time I see chance!

I haven't been updating my blog since a year. And Why is that? I don't know. I didn't feel the need to use it any more. Does that mean there is no need? No, I needed it more than ever. I felt useless using this blog. But now, I made up my mind. I will try to put down all my memories slowly but I will put them all.
Since I have come to college there isn't been much leash. All the time you run after something which you obviously know you can't achieve. My parents say that I have to stay positive. Hahaha.I don't believe an inch of it.
Then comes the friends who are necessary but not required by me. I can live without friends. But you know to look more like a college girl, I have to make friends. I feel people around you tear you apart and of course feed on you. You have to be in tabs all the time. You don't even know where you are running to or more precisely from whom? All you do is run from your life and one day you look back and see, you won't have 'you' in your whole life. Then at that moment you realize how big a mistake it is to let others take your decisions. Whether it is right or wrong make your own moments. At least you can live with it.
I had a very rough time since I began my college. It is very hard to be around with 10 people whom you don't know a bit. You doubt them all. You never can trust anybody. You begin to grow skeptical. Are they trying to put me down? Or they are just helping me out of mercy? You will never know. There will be some back stabbing and back channeling you. You have to bare all of it and still stick a fake plastic smile on your smug face.
What good does it do? Why can't everyone live in peace? Fellas, we think soldiers fight battles for us. But no, we fight our own battles every second of our life. This constant struggle is a mammoth when compared to soldiers struggle. They fight for the nation and I am not disrespecting their struggle. All I am saying is we fight bigger battles everyday.
There is no peace in life. People think retiring and sitting in a farm house brings you peace. I think there is no such thing as peace in this mighty world. There is only struggle and strife which is never ending.
We fight for ourselves but no one. We sacrifice for ourselves but no one. Compassion,  love means nothing to the people out there. There is only struggle. If we can notice that and accept it, may be there is a faint chance for peace after all.